Mediation by the difference

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The learning and the reasoning by the difference often enable to highlight some evidences (some evidences which are not yet very "natural" for any student working for new topic).

So, to put my ideas in order, I have made a simple list of criteria that oppose each other. And not to develop arguments in this paper, I took the opportunity to use a style deliberately fast, somewhat academic (and therefore to work the expression style that is claimed to the mediator: short and clear).

Contents

[edit] Generalities regarding Mediation

  • Conflict traps, locks and shrinks the perimeters of discussions and actions, and makes life impossible while mediation releases thus makes dream and transforms the unimaginable into possible.
  • Mediation is not an approach made to forgive; on the contrary it requires confrontation of people with the unbearable aspects of the conflict in order to enable them to look for their own solutions.
  • In mediation, "to feel" does not make sense; while "to see", "to hear", "to touch" makes sense.
  • The reason frames while the emotion makes move, and permanent emotions of a person in conflict dominate his reason. To reverse this trend is the objective of the mediator.

[edit] Notions of Mediator's Positions

  • Mediation is not neutral but biased since it researches by all means the relief of the other. The mediator has no bias; he is totally and exclusively neutral.
  • Individuals during the mediation process live their own experiences, they live their lives; while the mediator plays a role, he practices his profession.
  • Two people in conflict are living a war; the mediator, as a third party, is a peacemaker.
  • The mediator is not in a situation of customer / supplier, nevertheless he is at the service of the people he accompanies.
  • The mediator has an obligation of means, those to absolutely use every conceivable resource to release the conflictual situation from its emotional part. The mediator has no obligation of results.

[edit] The False Friends of Mediation

  • Mediation always benefits to those who receive the services of a professional specifically trained in a discipline; on the contrary, manipulation profits always and exclusively to those who manipulate.
  • Mediation imposes to the mediator to be:
  • impartial (position that concerns the relationship with the various parties),
  • neutral (which is related to the solution),
  • and independent (towards the payer, institutions, cultures, etc....);
  • Negotiation imposes to the negotiator to find only the best strategy to win or, at worst, not to lose; the negotiator is neither impartial nor neutral nor independent.
  • The mediator works to relieve the various parties in conflict while the negotiator works to defend the interests of one of the parties.
  • Mediation is a process that leads to a free agreement generated by the parties themselves. Mediation is sometimes confused with conciliation in which there are advices in addition (indeed the conciliator proposes), and arbitration in which the judgment is present (indeed the arbitrator imposes).

[edit] The Positioning of Mediation compared to Judicial System

  • In the judicial system, there is always a victim and an offender; within the mediation approach, there are always two victims.
  • The lawyer manages the file; while the mediator manages the conflict.
  • The justice will treat first the legal aspect of a case, and then involve experts for the technical aspect, neglecting the emotional aspect. On the contrary, the mediation will treat as a priority and exclusively the emotional aspect, and then check the technical and legal aspects that will be forwarded to the specialists if necessary.
  • Justice is governed by procedures which are fixed, millimetric, immutable and administratively mandatory; while mediation is governed by processes as "skeletons" of the various stages whose chronology must be respected but with the freedom to spend more or less time on each of these stages according to the circumstances.

[edit] Generalities Regarding the Constraints, Conflicts and Crisis:

  • A person in conflict is not sick but clumsy.
  • Being in conflict is part of life, it is normal (like back pains or toothaches, there may also be the harm of our relationships with others); but to live permanently in conflict however is not normal (as the doctor will heal, the mediator will release).
  • The basic criterion that defines that two individuals are in conflict is a disagreement; the mediator will be the one to be able to get the first move of appeasement, by making them agree on the fact they both disagree!
  • And as soon as a first step is made, it is not necessary that both parties find an agreement; it is just necessary that both parties recognize the legitimacy of what the other has experienced.
  • The person in conflict expressing "functional fatalism" ("it's not me, it's my nature") states what is used as a shield, protection or strength; but it also states of what he is the slave of.

[edit] Concept of Infinity against Unicity, even Nothingness

  • The mediator must draw from his imagination an infinite number of possibilities that could solve the conflict, however he must know how to instantaneously abandon each of them, one by one, that would not imply the accession of third parties in conflict.
  • The mediator has an infinity of possibilities to work the unimaginable discussion that will resolve the conflict, but sometimes the conflict has for roots just a single word, gesture or attitude, and the mediator must know how to look for and find this "needle in a haystack"!
  • The past is merely interpretation, and thus provides an infinite number of causes of stress while the future is nothing more than hypothesis; therefore it is imperative to seize even the smallest opportunity of solution as soon as it appears in order to avoid plunging back again into the vertigo of infinity!
  • Along the lifetime, human brain receives, treats and re-emits an infinite number of information (thousands? million? billion?); and without realizing it even once in his long life, certain humans are not aware of this three-stage circuit.

By Christian Pierdet

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